Raquel Calderon

A big factor in my life was being diagnosed with general anxiety when I was about thirteen. So at the time I just thought that everyone had these overacted thoughts and overwhelming behaviors I guess. So I thought that was pretty normal until I realized that crying in class over something really small was not okay. I went to a person and they diagnosed me, and they told me that I would have to take medication, and I found that weird– I was barely a pre-teen, that was really weird. At first, I was kind of against the idea cause you know, no one else has to take these things to help them but I did. So at first, I kind of rejected it but then after a while, I started taking them, and I felt pretty good. But then, more and more people found out about it, and I think that’s when I stopped for a second, cause people were going to think that I was weird; if I go to a sleepover and have to take my medications, you know, that’s wack. So I stopped for a little bit, and then I went back to them because my emotions were all over the place. 

I always kind of noticed that something was wrong with me. Cause general anxiety comes with a spectrum of things, so I also have mild OCD. When I was little, I would color and would have to arrange the crayons in different ways. So the reds would be over here, and then the yellows, and the greens, etc. And I couldn’t do anything unless it was like that. And I’m still kind of like that. If you look at my backpack, it’s very neat. My room always has to be cleaned. And like I arrange my clothes in a certain way; I do it by color code. I do my clothes for three weeks in advance, that’s just how I am because of my anxiety. Also, I have a lot of crying spills, so if I’m not on my meds I do cry a lot. And it’s not even that someone will do something bad to me or anything, I just start crying. 

And I have a lot of trouble with adults’ understanding that I have that. Cause you know back then that didn’t really exist. It was just like you’re weird or you’re different. So it is kind of hard for adults around me to accept that, you know this is me. I have to deal with this as I grow up. So I don’t know how it’ll be in the future but at least right now, I feel pretty good.”

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