My Experience With Depression

Trezna Moore, Staff Writer

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I started showing signs of depression in elementary. I didn’t want to be around the other kids because I was too sad. I just wanted to be alone all the time. However, at that point I personally thought that I was being over-dramatic and that I would just push through it. As more time went on, I only grew more and more sad. I stayed inside and ate lunch with my close friends away from the crowd.

Once middle school started, I began having small anxieties here and there. I began to feel like everyone was judging me and staring at me, though they weren’t. I developed a phobia of eating in front of people. It got so bad that I had to eat with my counselor. I would talk to her almost every day about the issues my parents were having and how it was making me sad.

Again, at that point I didn’t think anything of it. I thought, “Everyone’s family has some kind of problem so this has to be normal.”

It wasn’t until eighth grade that I realized that this wasn’t just being sad. I had suicidal thoughts even though I was too afraid of pain and death to do anything of that sort. I would come to school everyday in the same black jeans and hoodie, keeping my face covered in my swamp of half-brushed hair. I didn’t care about my appearance anymore.

A lot of my friends went through the same kind of pain, but they were cutting. I would tell them how much they meant to me and this world even if they didn’t see it. I would love them and care for them in anyway they needed but for some  reason I couldn’t take my own advice. I didn’t understand how I could love so many people but I couldn’t love myself.

Because of this, I pushed myself into a conceited pathway. My family would always tell me, “Well if you cared about someone other than yourself…” They weren’t aware that they were making my condition worse.

Now I’ve reached freshman year of high school and it isn’t any better. All of the problems that my family has been through, all of the stress of school and “friendships” has really wore me down. The biggest problem I have faced, that dug so deep into my depression, was being used by someone I fell in love with. Someone I thought I could trust because I thought love would fix my problems.

Love by a man, a woman, or whatever your into is not going to fix your emotions. The only thing that has healed me is forgiveness. It may take time and a whole lot of effort but once you forgive and move on, that will be the moment you feel relieved. All the struggles and hatred you hold onto so tightly, let go. Because trust me, you will love your life once you do. Trust yourself and you’ll do great!