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The Never-ending Pain of Heartbreak

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As a child, I had a bad stutter that caused me to hardly want to talk to people because of the fear they’d constantly judge me. Still, I managed to have a best friend named Victoria. I now know the only reason she was friends with me was to make herself look like a better person.

Sometimes I’d want to squeeze her hand because I’d think about the bad things that were going on in my life. At first she thought nothing of it, that is until others noticed.

 

Yes, I will admit that I had a crush on Victoria. At the time, I didn’t truly know that of course as a child you never really do. I didn’t want her to leave my side and I hated when she would have a boyfriend. I felt abandoned and I only ever wanted her to hold my hand.

 

Some little boys in our class started pointing at us telling us we were freaks because they thought we were together, a couple. I noticed that Victoria started to become distant. I’d sit on the rusty swing that would make a creaking noise whenever you’d begin to swing and I’d wait everyday, knowing and waiting.

 

I didn’t have many friends, so you’d imagine how it felt losing the first person to ever show much interest in you.

 

According to StopBullying.gov, the most common types of bullying are verbal and social.

I had this friend named America who informed me Victoria no longer wanted to my friend thanks to the image she was given by others. She didn’t even have the decency to tell me herself. She didn’t know what I was going through at the time and quite frankly no one did, so no, I never blamed her.

 

They say the first heartbreak you ever experience is the hardest. According to Forbes.com, thanks to heartbreak “too-high stress hormone levels are directly linked to gastrointestinal problems, lowered immune response, anxiety disorders and depression.” I didn’t eat for awhile after Victoria, nor did I ever talk.

 

I didn’t feel like I had a family during this time because both of my parents worked until five. By the time they’d get home they wouldn’t have anytime to talk to me about my day. They would have even more work to do, more so my mother; my dad would just sleep. They never really showed me much affection and because of that my grandma was more of a mom to me.  

 

I would consider Victoria my first heartbreak, the reason being was because I never truly get over what she did to me. She abandoned me when I had needed her the most, which absolutely hurt me inside.  

 

My stutter continued over almost my entire elementary experience and that was plastered on me, “Beware of the girl who can’t hold a sentence to save her life.” If you would have met me as a child you would have probably thought I was a mute.

 

No matter what you’ve gone through, what you consider your first heartbreak is always going to be just another lesson in life. Being the child that I was my first made me think I should never talk to people again.

 

Junior Joel Morones sat waiting for,  as he describes, ¨the girl of his dreams¨  to text him back. Little did he know he would be waiting for hours. He thought nothing of it, of course that is until he realized the message had been read four hours ago. He then knew what was coming.

 

¨What was this the fourth? Maybe fifth time?¨ said Morones.  Usually when you ask a teenager what their first heartbreak consisted of this is a typical response.

 

He remembers sitting outside of his class in the u wing knowing hers was right across.  Remembering that they used to walk together, he wondered why she was starting to be late almost everyday when it would only take them a few minutes. A few days had passed and he asked her best friend what the problem was. It was then he found out he was being avoided.

 

¨It’s kind of crazy how you can give someone so much love and how much none of it could matter in seconds,¨ said Morones. ¨What was the worst part? The whole thing pretty much sucked. I guess it was just that I wouldn’t stop thinking about her. I think I thought about her even more because of the hurt than when we were together.¨

 

Morones believes you never truly get over the first person to ever hurt you like that.

 

According to Front Line Genomics, the concept of ‘broken heart syndrome’, more commonly known as ‘stress cardiomyopathy’ in the medical community is, in fact, a real condition. When you reach for the ice cream container, prior being in your bed for four days straight, know you’re not alone.

1 Comment

One Response to “The Never-ending Pain of Heartbreak”

  1. Mrs. Aviles on March 5th, 2018 7:34 pm

    Dear Tabitha,

    Great story. You are a very brave person. I am glad you have found your voice.

    Mrs. Aviles

    [Reply]

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The Never-ending Pain of Heartbreak