A Second Chance Is A Luxury No Cheater Deserves

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It would seem that the formula for a functional relationship is simple enough: just do what’s expected of you as a partner, love your other half, trust the other half, forgive each other’s faults, don’t go to sleep angry, and as long as the actions are reciprocated, you’re in the green, tribulation is inevitable, but in the green nevertheless. Hard times and conflict are merely a natural growing pain in a relationship, it’s just how humans work.

Easy process though, right? Most people would think so.

But what happens if the conflict is when that someone- whom you have invested so much time, trust, love, and energy in building and growing with- abuses and takes advantage of all of you and your efforts by cheating on you? Not exactly in the green anymore, are you? What do you do? What do you think? Was it your fault? Well, cheating is the deliberate choice of the individual committing it. It is one person’s action alone, an undoubtedly inexcusable, treacherous, and selfish offense.

But the question I mainly want to address is, “is it forgivable?” Do cheaters deserve a second chance with the person that they initially cheated on- of all people?

Some people stand by their philosophy, “Well everyone deserves a second chance!”- a very blind and blanket statement, built on questionable or no grounds. What part of the offender’s actions showed that they deserve to be in any relationship let alone with someone that they carelessly cheated on in the first place? Was it the lying or the act itself that sways you? No one who has the audacity to commit such harmful acts towards someone- who showed nothing but love and support for them- deserves another chance at doing it again.

Not convinced? Think about it for a second. According to thetruthaboutdeception.com, “cheating” is defined as moving against the expectations of your partner in terms of flirting, “talking,” dating, or acting (in any form) on romantic feeling towards another individual who IS NOT your “committed,” “fixed,” relationship partner. You can justify it in any way you want, like saying “‘talking’ isn’t cheating.” but they still went behind their partner’s back knowingly and deliberately, disregarding them for the attention of someone else, not even having the decency to break up with them while in the act- just keeping them around for fun, a good hobby for when they’re bored or whatnot. This lack of regard for the offender’s partner’s (AKA victim’s) feelings is questionable grounds enough to show that they really don’t know how a relationship works OR know what love is- all things that are generally considered prerequisites for a relationship, especially for a 2nd or 3rd time around- at that point, would you say they deserved another chance? How hard is it really to control primitive impulses to go behind your lover’s back? The inability to control or (worse) even allow such easily avoidable events to unfold is a prevalent problem. In fact, giving in to immoral temptations is a problem that society attempts to remedy in early childhood (“don’t touch that cookie, child. It looks good but you already had one”). Cheating certainly isn’t the action of a rational, mature individual worthy of a relationship that they already had and threw away so rashly and willingly.

In the end, until you are put in that situation you never truly know what thought process you’ll take up.

For some (especially those affected), the reaction to the question may not be as black and white. Sometimes bonds are hard to let go of, even if they’re to those who severed their bond like a knife through warm butter.

Others may even take this thought further and consider forgiving the guilty, even going as far as to give them another chance at the light of day with them. Michele Weiner-Davis from Thehuffingtonpost.com would boldly state that cheating in a relationship “isn’t a deal breaker.” To help with the internal struggle, I leave you with this sentiment: You’ve experienced a lot of time, promises, and memories that you are quite fond of with this person- and it’s hard to let all that go initially, I know. But, the person who you so loved and believed would never hurt you is gone, lost somewhere in the translation of time, replaced with a stranger (unless you always knew them to be a cheater in which case- there’s nobody to blame) who now just repels you and doesn’t seem alluring to interact with. Why would you talk to a mean stranger? Why would you let a parasite continue to feed on you despite your poor health? Why would you give someone who didn’t care about you the first time a second chance at doing the same thing?

You know, you never really know your “partner”… until you get to know them. After them revealing their true selves in taking up such bold and selfish actions, it should take at least a ton of convincing, trust building, and noticeable internal transformation from the offender to mildly justify seeing them as who you once fell for- even then who you once fell for had proved themselves unreliable, so who is to say that they won’t do it again and again with you or any other misguided soul, it’s only a matter of time, and don’t allow yourself to be around when it does.

Everyone with a clean slate deserves a chance, a second chance at messing up the relationship is merely a luxury to a cheater – a luxury that no cheater deserves.

What do you think? Do cheaters deserve a second chance? Click on this link to weigh in and speak your mind on the matter.